why do cheetos always look like penises
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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