Betty ford says i'm here all night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
