so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
