Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
