so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
