some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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