Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
