she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
