I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
