RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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