I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
