you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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