There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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