um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
