Michael Bay diarrhea
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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