I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
