So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
