u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
