I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
