There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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