Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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