I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my poor anus
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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