Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
