I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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