My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
