If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
