So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize