Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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