There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
