Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
