hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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