So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He felt like a one man threesome
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
