i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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