If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
