I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
