Pappa wants mamma naked
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
