I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize