he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
