We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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