I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize