the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
