If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
