"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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