My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
