I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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