the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
