y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
