Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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