May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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