I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
