I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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