I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
