i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
