He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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