I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
