Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
