I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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