Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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