Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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