How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
