Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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