If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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