O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
