Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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