and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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