She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
