I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize