i need an iv and a liver transplant
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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