If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
