we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am naked and annoyed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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