There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
