peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
