i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
