okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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