It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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