Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
