My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
