She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
