a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
