I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
