if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Mom said you looked used
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize