I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
