I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
