so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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