Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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