why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
