see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
