Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
