he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
