i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
