Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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