Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
